i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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