i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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