I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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