i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
