when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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