Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
