Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
