Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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