Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
