She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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