We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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