i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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