You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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