Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
