Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
