so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
