She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
