What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
