I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize