No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
