I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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