Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
