I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
