why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
