So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
