I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
