I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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