Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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