He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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