how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
