I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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