I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
