honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
