She's JV to your varsity
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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