You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
