AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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