Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
