this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am one with the molecules
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
