Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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