I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
