I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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