Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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