we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize