The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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