I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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