New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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