Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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