Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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