you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
