I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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