you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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