I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
