It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
