My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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