I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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