Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
