do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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