Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
