what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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