So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
