Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
