YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
