What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize