I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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