So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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