i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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