you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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