o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did I show you my penis last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
