sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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