I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
